Letter to Joe

Dear Joe,

I wanted to thank you for the wonderful experience I had working for you this summer.  Without a doubt this has been one of my favorite jobs I’ve ever had. Working outside, putting my hands in dirt and playing with plants, I looked forward to coming in everyday...so much so I’m looking into changing my career trajectory.    

I can only hope one day I will be able to create a workplace for amateur and aspiring horticulturists with the open and loving atmosphere you’ve cultivated. Every time I called with a question, you've always made sure to thank me for my work and expressed how much you appreciated it--a gratitude, I have no doubt, you express to every one of your merchandisers. 

Your closing was always to ask if I needed anything or had any feedback. While for most of the season I experienced nothing but a delightful work environment, with delightful coworkers, the end of the season came with some new coworkers and issues feel I must share with you. 

It is without a doubt that Bumblebees have been a wonderful part of the working community at the garden centers. At times, yes, we have had our tiffs. I believe it’s impossible to work with anyone in such close proximity and not have a disagreement here and there. We have, through the  wonderful example you’ve set, worked to create an environment where we thrive through working together. 

However, it’s in the last few weeks in which close cousins of the sweet Bumblebees, Honey Bees, have come to join our team. I understand that Honey Bees have been going through a rough time and are finally beginning to make a comeback. I do not want to do anything to negate their efforts, nor tarnish their public image, as they are critical to our ecosystems. That being said, I believe their behavior to not only be unbefitting of the workplace, but undermining the safe space all the Bumblebees and I have worked so hard to cultivate. I can no longer allow it to go unaddressed. 

While I was never officially informed by you of the ascension of my new co-workers to management, they immediately made their authority known.  “Micromanaging” is the best way I can describe them, as there is always at least one set of five eyes hovering near, watching and commenting on my treatment of each and every flower. I have, in fact, tried to resolve this on my own, as I didn’t want to involve you until it was necessary. I have repeatedly given them feedback about respecting my personal space, politely pointing out how uncomfortable they are making me. I had hoped to appeal to their sense of the universal kinship of the world’s workers.  Are they not worker Bees? Are we not comrades in Labor? Unfortunately, my hopes were not to be fulfilled.          

This brings me to their communication style. While I find the micromanaging to be aggressive, the way they communicate their feedback is, quite frankly, hostile. 

All of my feedback has been blatantly ignored.  Far from enfolding me into their community, the Honey Bees instead have unaccountably defined me as the enemy, assembling their team and planning antagonistic attacks, combatively darting toward me, pausing only long enough to hover inches away & yelling in such a manner that it becomes nothing but aggressive buzzing in my ear. I do have to give them high praise for how quickly they compile a team and execute a plan; inefficient they are not. I only deplore (sadly, without recrimination) their decision to employ those skills, which could have been used to build an even more powerful and diverse working community, to advance a wildly inappropriate intimidation tactic. 

Moreover, I believe they take great joy in my humiliation. Being as they are so small, all anyone from simply a foot or two away sees is a woman with gardening gloves on shrieking and flailing about. After their assaults they quickly hide under the cover of the nearest perennial, watching as customers walk past me trying to contain their laughter.  

I do want to hold myself to the same workplace etiquette as I am requesting from the Honey Bees. So I must admit something to you.  There have been occasions when these attacks have come on so quickly and so without warning that a profanity slipped from my mouth. I know you are a man who refrains from using such language, as I’ve only ever heard you say “Cheese and Crackers” when you get upset,***  so I will not tarnish your sensibilities with the particulars. But I feel it is important for you to know and I will accept whatever repercussion you deem suitable. 

My last point, I will admit, is my most serious accusation and one I know you will not take lightly. The aggression has escalated to physical violence.  I understand I have 139.00075 lbs on a bee and it seems unlikely that I wouldn’t be able to easily stop a single onslaught. But they are akin to tiny Manny Pacquiaos of the Apis world. Their speed, accuracy, and the tiny painful welts they have left me with, give me no choice but to allow the plants for which I am responsible to go unattended.  This is a place in which I do not appreciate being put, as I enjoy working for you and want to do the best I can. Unfortunately I have to draw the line at my personal safety and protecting what dignity I am left with at the end of the day. 

As aforementioned I understand the importance of their role.  Our jobs, our product, the food we eat, our entire ecosystem would dissolve if not for them. Still, I play a role as well. Is not water as essential as pollination?  Am I not encouraging the public to cultivate their food source? I would simply appreciate if they could show that they value me as a member of the team. 

I do not want to present a problem without offering a possible solution. 

My proposal: Have Bumblebees lead workplace management and sensitivity training.  

For 70 plus years the flight of the bumblebee has been accused of going against the laws of physics. Personal jokes, Mary Kay marketing, even the Presidential campaign of Mike Huckabee, have gleaned this misinformation, using the seeming lack of aerodynamics of their plump, fuzzy bodies as a catalyst for personal, financial and political gain. 

Yet through it all they lead by example, quietly flying in the face of adversity, continuing to fulfill their role pollinating our flowering crops. My goodness, our much coveted Jersey Tomatoes would be for naught without them!

Instead of cutting their community down, they chose to build us up, setting us all up for success! It’s this kind of team leadership I feel reflects your style and which we need more of at the top. 

If there is anything you need from me to help expedite the resolution of the above issues, please reach out to me as I am committed to creating a successful 2020 season. 

(Satire ends here)

Truly, it has been a pleasure working with you and I look forward to doing so again,

Sarah 

***Joe actually says “Oh Cheese and Crackers!” when he gets upset. 

It’s the sweetest fucking thing ever.